Marriage

If You Don't Want Kids, You Shouldn't Get Married...?

If You Don't Want Kids, You Shouldn't Get Married...?

While browsing through Twitter the other day, I happened upon an interesting post from one of my favorite Christian writers, Samuel Sey. 

In it, he declared: 

“If a woman doesn’t want to be a mother, she shouldn’t be a wife. My dude, stay away from her.”

Founder and blogger at slowtowrite.com and contributing writer for various other outlets, Sam has done well to pen prolific thought pieces on the state of our culture, and he always endeavors to do so through a Biblical worldview. We also share a platform at Pyrolithos Foundation, where we each publish articles that address cultural issues from a Biblically-conservative perspective. In other words, Sam and I are on the same team; he is indeed my brother in the Lord; and, in most instances, I agree with his commentary. 

Yet, admittedly, I found his tweet to be a bit provocative and potentially discouraging.  

Christians, Like Christ, We Marry for Keeps (But): On Divorce, Remarriage + the Gospel

Christians, Like Christ, We Marry for Keeps (But): On Divorce, Remarriage + the Gospel

“What would you do if your husband cheated on you?”

“DIIIVOOOORRCE!”

“Really? Divorce? You’d just give up your family like that?”

“Give up on my family? Didn’t my husband give up on us the moment he cheated? I could NEVER trust him again!”

“That’s cold! I can’t believe you’d do that.”

“Are you SERIOUS?!”

This is a snippet from a conversation I had with a gentleman I dated well over a decade ago. I do believe that was the last conversation we ever had. He was an audacious fellow, and I was a little bit more than furious. The nerve of him. OF COURSE I’d divorce my unfaithful husband!  What was he thinking...that if we got married he could do whatever he wanted and I’d just deal with it? Tuh! Nope! I was so undone by his response. In fact, as I shared that conversation with girlfriends over the years, everyone said that I was right and agreed that this guy was clearly out of his mind. I didn’t need them to affirm me, of course. I already knew I was right. Indeed, I was more than right! 

But then I began to follow Christ.

"God Told Me to Marry You"...And What God Really Said

"God Told Me to Marry You"...And What God Really Said

Long, long ago, I belonged to a church where it wasn’t uncommon for members to “know” the specific person “God” told them they were destined to marry. A good friend of mine at the time believed God revealed to her that our pastor’s armor bearer (assistant/Bible toter/water getter/forehead wiper) was her husband to be. Another member said God told her she would marry one of our church’s ministers. And I believed the Lord told me a popular radio personality (and church member) was destined to be my hubby. Suffice it say, each of us found ourselves looking like an idiot as time and circumstance played out.  The pastor’s armor bearer ended up marrying another woman within six months of meeting her. The minister simply used the other young lady for sex as she pined away hoping he’d one day see they were meant to be. And my radio personality hubby-to-be told me flat out that I wasn’t “the one”, went on to marry a gorgeous gospel artist and (10+ years later) they remain married and have an adorable family.

Since leaving that church, I’ve come to learn that our embarrassingly mistaken “revelations” aren’t uncommon among professed believers in other churches, either. I’ve since met another young lady who so sincerely believed God told her a specific guy was her husband that she remained single and waited for him for 13 years! (THIIIIIIIR-TEEEEEN...YEEEEEAAAAARRRRSSSS!!!!) Meanwhile, that gentleman barely knew her name, and if I recall correctly, he also went off to marry someone else.

"Hello, I'm a Christian and Physical Attraction is Important to Me"

"Hello, I'm a Christian and Physical Attraction is Important to Me"

As a Christian woman, it’s hard to admit that physical attraction is one of my non-negotiables. I'm often made to feel like I’m confessing some secret sin from which I require immediate deliverance, as if wanting to be attracted to my spouse makes me carnal, superficial or “loose”. Now, it is quite possible my present perspective on this topic is spiritually immature. I might look back on this piece years from now, perhaps after I’m married, and find that my current priorities are slightly out of whack. Nevertheless, I feel very strongly about this at the moment and, even on the chance that it isn’t the most mature perspective, I’m certain it isn’t a sinful one.